Oh well.. finally exams are over.. but i'm still so vexed.. over my results, over my sports leader stuff especially, my mother tongue O lvls and SO MANY OTHER THINGS!!!

Well, for this mid year, i'm only confident in passing one subject.. and that' s english.. the rest i have no confidence at all.. the papers are all so tough.. i cant really coped.. if O lvls are still like that, i think i better go ITE bah.. haix..

Recently i'm so vexed especially over my sports leader stuff.. i'm really very disappointed and angry with myself.. for not raising my exco properly.. to make them not having that extreme sense of urgency..

I gave them a task to plan a camp more than 2 months ago.. the camp is to be held during the june holidays.. so before exams, i was asking them how was the progress of it.. they told me they havent started yet.. i was like WTH lor.. i gave u so long ago.. such a simple task.. but u all cannot fulfill it.. i rmb those times where i was an exco, once we got a job, we straight away get into it so that our work doesnt pile up.. so today i just held a meeting.. my paper ended at 8.30.. but i waited for them till 10.30 and hold the meeting.. yes i know that u all are very tired.. but i'm equally tired as well.. i was very sick last night somemore.. i sleep every night at ard 2am just to study for my exams and wake up at 6 am for exams.. it has being 2 wks and i've being doing that.. I understand that u all are tired that's y i didnt even bother to shout at u all at all.. i talked to u all nicely but u all gave me that kind of stupid attitude.. IT'S ATTROCIOUS!!! EXAMS?? SO WHAT?? I GAVE U ALL SUCH A LONG TIME AGO AND U GIVE ME LAST MIN WORK??? WHAT KIND OF BLOODY ATTITUDE IS THIS???

I really feel like a failure.. just by u all giving me this kind of attitude.. i feel like i never raise u all well.. i cant be ur president forever.. someone has to take over me.. but n0 one has stand out and shine yet so far.. maybe i spoon fed u all too much liao bah.. i really blame myself for it.. now ur work is getting more and more, and u tell me to relax??? HOW TO??? u all may have the extreme confidence that all will go on well.. come on lah.. i have being a sports leader more amount of time than u all.. i've ever planned a last min work and it all gone out wrong.. very wrong.. and i saw my seniors failing at times bcoz of not having that sense of urgency.. SO WHY?? WHY CANT U ALL HAVE IT AS WELL???? U all make me feel like shit.. i've already bring myself to the extend that i try to please everyone.. but bcoz of that u all take me for granted.. WHAT KIND OF BLOODY SHIT IS THIS??? THIS IS NONSENSICAL!!!! U all are like so selfish.. u all like never ever consider how i ever feel.. it really sucks to feel like this now.. it's extreme agony and disappointment deep inside of me.. Why not i let u be president for one day and u see how i feel.. u all claim that u all understand how i feel.. but if u all ever consider it, u all would have that sense of urgency already..

I feel like i've let ms chow and my seniors down.. i didnt take care of my juniors well.. i feel so much like a failure.. i didnt really bring u all up well and look after u all well..

i hope that someone out there will ever understand how i am feeling now.. it sucks.. and i dont really want to talk about it ever.. the wound is too deep liao..