I believe that God, you make me manifested bcoz of many reasons..
I know that i manifested bcoz i wanna be free from a certain bondage that i'm under..
I believe that God, you release me from it..

Although it's gonna be a tough road ahead, but i know that you will be there by my side always
Guiding and showing me the right way
I've decided that as long as i have the will to do it,
Nothing can stop me
Even satan cannot do anything go stop me
It's my will
God cant touch it den what more satan who has no rights at all


So God, be by my side always
One day without feeling ur presence is like living hell to me
Stay by my side always
I know that you are always by my side
Your Presence Secures me during days when i was down
during the times when i was down and lonely
Your presence just brings warmth to my soul
Hold me tight in your arms
Never let me go
I want to spend my eternity with you
You who is my Abba Father or Daddy God

Well.. Just wanna say smth

Thank God it's all over

i'll try my best to change

To me, your feedback was really dear to me even though it hurt alot..

But i feel that u all actually care for me that's y u all share those probs with me today..

I'm sorry if i hurt u all in anyway..

Tks for your forgiveness..

I'll try to be meek from now on...

Just give me time..

Signing out..

Oh well.. finally exams are over.. but i'm still so vexed.. over my results, over my sports leader stuff especially, my mother tongue O lvls and SO MANY OTHER THINGS!!!

Well, for this mid year, i'm only confident in passing one subject.. and that' s english.. the rest i have no confidence at all.. the papers are all so tough.. i cant really coped.. if O lvls are still like that, i think i better go ITE bah.. haix..

Recently i'm so vexed especially over my sports leader stuff.. i'm really very disappointed and angry with myself.. for not raising my exco properly.. to make them not having that extreme sense of urgency..

I gave them a task to plan a camp more than 2 months ago.. the camp is to be held during the june holidays.. so before exams, i was asking them how was the progress of it.. they told me they havent started yet.. i was like WTH lor.. i gave u so long ago.. such a simple task.. but u all cannot fulfill it.. i rmb those times where i was an exco, once we got a job, we straight away get into it so that our work doesnt pile up.. so today i just held a meeting.. my paper ended at 8.30.. but i waited for them till 10.30 and hold the meeting.. yes i know that u all are very tired.. but i'm equally tired as well.. i was very sick last night somemore.. i sleep every night at ard 2am just to study for my exams and wake up at 6 am for exams.. it has being 2 wks and i've being doing that.. I understand that u all are tired that's y i didnt even bother to shout at u all at all.. i talked to u all nicely but u all gave me that kind of stupid attitude.. IT'S ATTROCIOUS!!! EXAMS?? SO WHAT?? I GAVE U ALL SUCH A LONG TIME AGO AND U GIVE ME LAST MIN WORK??? WHAT KIND OF BLOODY ATTITUDE IS THIS???

I really feel like a failure.. just by u all giving me this kind of attitude.. i feel like i never raise u all well.. i cant be ur president forever.. someone has to take over me.. but n0 one has stand out and shine yet so far.. maybe i spoon fed u all too much liao bah.. i really blame myself for it.. now ur work is getting more and more, and u tell me to relax??? HOW TO??? u all may have the extreme confidence that all will go on well.. come on lah.. i have being a sports leader more amount of time than u all.. i've ever planned a last min work and it all gone out wrong.. very wrong.. and i saw my seniors failing at times bcoz of not having that sense of urgency.. SO WHY?? WHY CANT U ALL HAVE IT AS WELL???? U all make me feel like shit.. i've already bring myself to the extend that i try to please everyone.. but bcoz of that u all take me for granted.. WHAT KIND OF BLOODY SHIT IS THIS??? THIS IS NONSENSICAL!!!! U all are like so selfish.. u all like never ever consider how i ever feel.. it really sucks to feel like this now.. it's extreme agony and disappointment deep inside of me.. Why not i let u be president for one day and u see how i feel.. u all claim that u all understand how i feel.. but if u all ever consider it, u all would have that sense of urgency already..

I feel like i've let ms chow and my seniors down.. i didnt take care of my juniors well.. i feel so much like a failure.. i didnt really bring u all up well and look after u all well..

i hope that someone out there will ever understand how i am feeling now.. it sucks.. and i dont really want to talk about it ever.. the wound is too deep liao..

ok.. benben is here to blog again..

Well.. the reason is very simple.. i dont know what's into me lately.. it's like my eyes are more open to things.. things that are like i'm exposed to more things in my life.. i started to realise that i often say hurtful things to people.. my tone of talking is like very bossy.. it is like extremely ordering people around that kind.. i know to some of you reading u might think "oh.. so he finally realise ah"... well.. the only thing so say is oh well.. realising it late at least is better than never right.. look on the bright side.. but it has really gone to the extreme that someone undisclosed came to me and talk to me about it saying that he/she is unhappy over that i've said about him/her.. It has also gone to the extreme where i try to imagine myself talking to people like how i used to.. i gotta admit.. it's damm bossing people around and i'm rather loud..

I just wanna take this time to apologise to all those whom i've hurt in the past with my words or comments made by me.. I hope that you will forgive me and at the same time give me a chance to change..

I really hope that i can change.. all those who read this post.. pls.. do help me.. i sincerely want to change this problem of mine..

Well.. wish me luck and all the best..

Ok ppl.. benben's back here to blog again..

I find my blog rather boring but i feel this is the only area where i can express myself the best.. hahax.. my friends are all like the kind who will never believe that blog.. LOLX.. well some do.. if they are extremely close to me.. hahax..

so well.. this wk is the wk where all the major papers begin.. Ystd had my 1st paper in the hall.. it was social studies.. Really damm screwed up.. may only get average marks.. followed by maths.. i didnt have any problem with the upper sec stuff but it's all the lower sec qns that killed and torture me..

me being register 42 in class sat at the 2nd last row of the hall.. like damm ulu lah.. like very empty like that.. somemore very cold lor when it rained.. i was like freezing.. brrr!!~ got natural cold air from outside cold enough liao.. i somemore got 1 standing and 2 celling fan blowing me directly.. like becoming iceman lah..

then today was like english paper 2 first.. really tired.. lethargy like totally engulfed my body lah.. hardly can open my eyes.. the paper was still ok.. but i have faith that i'll do well.. AMEN!!.. LOLX.. den followed by history paper.. didnt have time to complete my SBQ.. but i think i may score for SEQ.. the 2 SEQ qns were like what i've studied.. i chose the chpt on the collaspe of communism in the USSR.. So the 2 qns that came out were on the reasons for the collaspe and the polices that Gorbachev came out with.. Glasnost and Perestroika.. lolx.. tell u u also dont know.. no point.. LOLX..

The past few nights were like rather interesting lah.. hahax.. was initially bored at first.. den cant slp eh.. got sleeping disorder lately.. so i called chengchin lah.. so i lie on my bed when i talk on the phone with her.. so when i lie down, i look straight into the sky.. and i see the moon everynight.. so one of the nights damm funny lah.. i was tallking to her about the moon and she went to talk about the clouds.. damm funny.. LOLX.. also cannot tahan her.. keep on calling me kuku.. LOLX..

ok lah.. blog till here.. will blog once exams are over nxt fri.. hahax..