Well Praise God that Chinese New Year Holidays are over.. hehex.. really sort of miss school.. =X [ i hope so ]..

Erm.. CNY this yr i must admit that there is no festive atmosphere at all.. This sentence just reminds me of the drama script that i practice with the NE champs last wk.. hehex.. This yr receieve alot of hong baos even tho i havent met 9 more grand aunts and grand uncles and all my father's side relatives.. Every one is like so gerneous this yr.. It is like 95% and above of my angbao $$ from my relatives this yr are above 10 bucks.. Wonder what's with everyone's generosity this yr tho..

Boring this yr.. just do visitation.. gamble.. earn quite a sum.. 600% profit from my capital that i started from.. hehex.. (btw, i started with 1 dollar and show hand the 1st rd).. Got alot of black jacks.. So much that everyone was like jealous of me.. LOLX!!!

It feels like a holiday.. nth to do, slack but worst thing is.. ARG!!! WITHOUT BADMINTON!!!! ALMOST DIED!!!! HAND ITCHY LIAO!!!!!... Gd thing tmr playing with the sec 2s and haifz.. hehex..

Ok lah.. blog till here.. tmr is Zhi Hong's and Mr Elango's birthday..

Wish them a Happy Early Birthday.. hahax.. =)

PAIN
by Benjamin Tan

It was such a pain for me
Right inside that heart of mine
Sending you that sms
Was really a pain in my heart
It was so pain that it bled
You made it bled on valentines day
You made it bled today

But i wonder the reason why it bled
The cause of it
The cause is because i made that mistake
That causes our awakwardness is all because of it

But to tell you the truth,
I regret telling you those things
Telling you caused all these problems
Problems that let to further problems today
Althought you told me that everything is Okay
But i still feel lost and i need time to chill out
Chill from the world
Chill from my CCA
Chill from my friends
And lastly, Chill from you

I regret, I regret, I regret
For everything that happened from Valentines Day
Everything that happen ystd
Everything that happened Today
And For sending that sms to you

Sometimes i wish that I can go back to valentines day
And not to mention anything about it
I still dont understand the reason why everyone say it's gd for me to say
but in my heart, i truly dont understand and regretted it

Oh dear god of mine,
Hear the prayer of mine
Heal the pain that's deep in me
Stitch up the wound that's in my heart

-End-

To all the friends of mine...
Jerome, Wei li, Aaron, Juli, Minyi and Audrina
Tks for you help and support in this tough time of mine

Regards..
Benben

Well.. Here to blog again..

hehex.. feeling so much better now..

Now having fnn lesson.. mdm tong not here in sch today.. fallen sick after camp.. LOLX.. so not making pineapple tarts today.. haix.. =.="....

Well.. Rather laxy to blog.. but one thing i know is that today is sure is a better day compared to ystd.. ystd realy sucks.. but one thing i've realised that my day whether is it good or bad, it is all determined by me..

Ermx.. i can say that i was trying to avoid the so call "problem" today.. but i face it.. walk pass that friend of mine like as tho nth happen..

During class today.. i still dont believe that i still got the mood to crack jokes and start my nonsense again in class.. i'm like still the normal me like as tho nth has happened at all.. well.. i guess like what i say all the time.. be it whether my day is gd or bad.. it is all determined by me.. heheex.. =)..

Arg!!!.. got chinese new year rehersal later at 2.15.. and all the canteen vendors are close.. it's already 1.10 and i havent ate a single thing.. Gotta grab a bite later.. if not i'll faint.. hahax.. Will try me best to rush fro service later.. dont think i'll be serving.. in uniform.. hehex.. got bring clothes lah.. but forgotten to bring belt.. hahax.. LOLX.. the pants i've brought is like 3 to 4 sizes bigger than what i usually wear.. hehex.. I believe today's svc is gonna be so great that it'll be a memorable one...

Thank you Lord for ur presence with me just now.. I never felt so much love and warmth in my life before.. It really make me feel comfortable that make me enable to make my this day a great one..

Ok lah.. blog till here.. later teacher scold liao if kena caught.. LOLX.. =X

WORST VALENTINE'S DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT REALLY SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CAN'T WAIT FOR TMR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CAN'T WAIT TO GET OVER IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DON'T ASK ME WHAT HAPPEN IF YOU CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WILL TELL YOU IF I WANT TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day by Day as the days go by,
My hatred and distrust towards you all grew more and more
Whenever i step into that classroom,
I really hope that school end quickly and i can go to the sports leaders room or go for training
Because you all bring terror to me
When you have something that you can benefit from me,
You all come close to me
But when i'm someone who is not of your benefit,
You all just go and leave me to one side an all alone
You all do things for your own sake and not for the others
I'm so sick and tired by that FCUK UP attitude of you all
The sight of entering that class of yours makes me sick
So sick that i just wanna puke whenever i enter there
I'm so sick and tired of accepting of all of your requests
So sick that i wanna give up and reject you all all the time
But i can't,
Because i treat u all a part of my family
People who i love and whom i trust
But by seeing that that stupid attitude of you all,
I'm just soo tired that i I wanna give up

You all will never understand what it means by being true friends
And what is it like without them in you class
You all may dont like my anti-socialness
But have you all ever wonder the reason why i dont feel like talking to you all
You all never know what's the meaning of lonely
I tried to get close to you all but you all avoid me

I'm so sick
Sick and tired of that class
You all may be wondering what happened to that Benjamin whom you all have known last yr
The socialble and very hyper one
But What makes his mysteriousness now???
The answer is simple
You all will never understand how i feel
NEVER

You all will never understand what it is like to have no true friends in you class
I used to have but that so call "true friend" of mine left me
Ever since that "true friend" of mine got into a relationship
I feel like that "true friend" of mine ignoring me
Find me irritating
When we talk, you are always talking about that stead of yours
There is no true conversation within us at all
I despise that attitude and thinking of yours
It makes me sick
I make a promise to you all today
That if i have a girlfriend,
I'll never abandoned the friends of mine around me

Well.. i was not sure what was wrong with me in sch today.. but i feel that i have being repeating something that i've learned from Pst AR Bernard's seminar..

it is

"The amount of value u place smth in ur life will determine the amount of impact it will have in you life"

-Rev Dr A R Bernard-

So what does this mean???
It basically means that take for example a guy who have a girlfriend.. if that guy got a girlfriend.. and he places value in that relationship of his and on his girlfriend.. den bcoz you place high amount of value in your girlfriend.. den of course whatever she says or do to you will have a higher impact to you in your life compared to those that you didnt put value to like a stranger..

lets say like for example if your girlfriend says your attitude suck.. i'm sure you will surely definitely reflect urself straight.. But if a stranger in the streets just come to you and say your attitude suck.. i dont think you will bother bout that person at all and even thinks that he or she is crazy..

The main reason?? It is very simple.. it is because you add more value to that girlfriend of yours in your life compared to the stranger whom you didnt add value at all..

So how to add value to the thing you have in your life.. it's even much more simplier.. just look after it, care for it, show responsibility to it, love it etc etc..

See simple right???

Well.. after much much careful consideration.. i have decided to play the song it ends tonight instead of My paper heart.. hahax..

"It Ends Tonight"
By All American Rejects

Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can't explain myself at all.
And all the wantsAnd all the needs
All I don't want to need at all.

The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonightIt ends tonight.

A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can't explain what you can't explain.
You're finding things that you didn't know
I look at you with such disdain

The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Now I'm on my own side
It's better than being on your side
It's my fault when you're blind
It's better that I see it through your eyes
All these thoughts locked inside

Now you're the first to know
When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fightIt ends tonight,
It ends

When darkness turns to ligh
tIt ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
TonightInsight
When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight.

"My Paper Heart"
by All American Rejects

Please just don't play with me
My paper heart will bleed
This wait for destiny won't do
Be with me please I beseach you
Simple things, that make you run a-way
Catch you if I can

Tears fall, down your face
The taste, is something new
Something that I know
Moving on is, easiest when I am around you.

So bottle up old love,
And throw it out to sea,
Watch it away as you cry
Now a year has past
The seasons go

Please just don't play with me
My paper heart will bleed
This wait for destiny won't do
Be with me please I beseach you
Simple things, that make you run a-way
Catch you if I can

Waiting, day to day it goes through
My lips, are sealed for her
My tongue is,Tied to, a dream of being with you
To settle for less, is not what I prefer

Summer time, the nights are so long
The leaves fall down, and so do I into
the arms of a friend
Winter nights
My bedside is cold, for I am gone
And spring blossoms you to me

Hahax.. Finally Blogging again.. hahax.. didnt really have the time to do so.. was extremely busy with

1) sec 1 orientation camp
2) CCA open House
3) school life
4) Remedials
5) Trainings
6) Tournament
7) Sports Leader Stuff
etc etc..

Hmm.. where shld i begin with.. well.. i feel that i'm not really able to cope with my current work Load for the time being.. well.. hmm i feel it could be bcoz of many sports leaders stuff, tournaments, O lvl this yr thus all the homeworks and remedials.. etc etc.. i have being feeling recently that as alot of ppl in sec 4 taking O lvls thus yr are having alot of remedials, and also now is tournament period and SYF yr also.. i feel that our sch teachers are really being abit too inconsiderate by not considering the stress we faced everyday from the energy draining of CCA practice 3 to 4 times a wk and also the long lessons everyday.. well they might come up with the excuse by saying that " you do 1 work can liao.. i have to mark 40 over scripts leh".. come on lah.. that's totally plain rubbish i feel.. i dont see many teachers having to collect all our work and mark every single one of the them.. besides.. majority or the work are marked by the students... since you all wanna join teaching, den dont complain bout ur job or ur so call "passion".. it's ur job, you are paid for it so just shut ur mouth and do ur work..

In my opinion and from a few others whom i have gotten views from bout this issue.. we feel that structure remedial and more drills and hw shld be started at term 2 instead.. bcoz firstly, we havent even settle down in our sec 4 life with all the hw and the teachers want us to do more work.. it's damm stressful for every single one lah.. I know that this yr is our O lvl.. but our priority in my opinion now is to drill the nxt generation (the sec 3s) to take over our CCA etc.. that's our no 1 goal now.. if i cant find a successor for my CCA, how can i stand down from my CCA.. by not having enough time, i feel that we will have lesser time and more prob to find our successsor.. i still cant understand why can all these teachers cannot understand this fact..

Just ystd, when i reached home and got online.. syuhadah asked me a qns which i was hoping that someone will ask me that all this while.. someone who will understand my prob and share my probs with them..

the question is.....
Syuha: "ben, i realise that ever since ths yr, you have being abit anti-social"
ben: "oh.. hmm.. as in to who..??"
Syuha: "hmm.. to us, apparently the whole class"
ben: "erm.. well.. i find it that way to.."

den she went offline.. after that, i called tong and ask her to come online.. and she came.. Woots!!~.. and i seek her help.. i feel that ever since i have become the president, i have being having probs communicating with all my friends.. i find that like when we talk... firstly, my tone is like no longer friend to friend tone liao.. it's like president to others.. i think bocz of this, it led to ppl being inferior to me.. like afraid of me.. i have being losing alot of my friends..

I was full of thoughts.. i was wondering where was the old ben.. the very fun and socialble one.. i feel alot of pressure now to see that badge on me.. i feel like its like a barrier to prevent me to be the ben who likes to do alot of nonsense and is very socialble.. if that's the case.. i rather not to become the president.. i even went to the resort to ask juli this qns.. what if i step down as president and u become the president..

Well.. just ended rd 1 of tournament.. won all my games accept of riverside.. damm suay.. got food poisoning that day.. den lost my game.. kena trash even.. haix.. but thank God that MSL won all accept for riverside.. 2nd rd starting nxt coming mon.. will play montfort.. LOLX.. will try my very best.. hahax.. in 2nd rd, the schs with us are bowen, christchurch, sports sch and montfort.. hahax.. jing li er wei lah.. hahax..

ok lah.. blog till here.. wish me luck hahax.. Pray that God will guide me in whatever i do